Consistent Life News
Issue #5, Fall 2005
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The Gift of Life
by Mary Rider

In April, I stepped down from my position as Consistent Life executive director because my husband, Patrick O'Neill, and I were expecting our eighth child in May. It was hard to leave, but I knew I was reaching a point where I couldn't put enough time into CL business without hiring a full time nanny and maid (and frankly, CL didn't pay enough for that.)

Mary Evelyn Rider O'Neill at her Baptism

On May 2, Mary Evelyn Rider O'Neill was born. A beautiful redhead, Mary Evelyn was born with Down syndrome (Trisomy 21) and a heart defect. Her first week was spent in the UNC Hospital's neonatal intensive care unit. Thanks be to God, Mary Evelyn and I came home on Mother's Day.

Mary Evelyn will need surgery soon to repair her heart. Several factors -- her weight, age and cardiac condition -- will determine when the surgery will happen. So we wait for her to slowly gain an ounce here and there (not so easy with her poor heart) and get a little bigger before her heart problems make it too difficult for her to breath.

Although Mary Evelyn is more than four months old, the first few weeks of her life were a blur. There was much to learn about Down syndrome, heart defects and other potential health problems associated with Downs. She was constantly undergoing tests. Thankfully, many other problems were ruled out for now. At first, we were at a doctor's office or hospital appointment every few days. Now we just go a few times a month.

Early on, a friend of a friend gave me a call. She had heard about Mary Evelyn and wanted to tell me about her youngest baby who had been born with Trisomy 17, a more serious and lethal genetic condition. We talked for more than 30 minutes and had a good conversation. The most amazing thing she told me was something she had heard from a friend living in Germany. Her friend said you don't see children with Down syndrome in Germany because German mothers often choose to abort babies with Down syndrome. Although abortion isn't forced there, like it may be in China, the coercion is heavy to end the life of an unborn child who may be less than perfect.

I have to admit I was shocked that the Germans didn't learn more from the Nazi era! Apparently eugenics is alive and well in Germany.

But of course eugenics is alive and well here too. Each time I have been pregnant I've been offered a multitude of tests to determine if there is anything wrong with the baby. Each time my answer has been that I'll only submit to the tests if there is something curative that can be done if something is wrong. Funny thing is, there isn't. So, I've never had those prenatal screening tests.

People ask if we knew Mary Evelyn would have Down syndrome. While we didn't know for sure, we knew the chances were much higher given my age. But as I watch this beautiful little baby grow and recognize her friends and family with her beatific, loving smile, my heart is filled with love and hope.

My daughter Annie, 5, has told me she's sad that Mary Evelyn has Down syndrome. I'm sad for Mary Evelyn only in so far as we have a better picture of what her sufferings in life may be. We have less of an idea for our other children, only knowing that each of us has our share of suffering to endure along with the joy we're given.

We like to pretend we have some control over our lives and our children's lives. When faced with illness or disability, we're stripped of that illusion of control and must face the fact that we must deal with each day to the best of our abilities. Nothing more can be asked of us than that.

I feel sure that Mary Evelyn will bring great things to this world. While she may not discover a cure for cancer or AIDS, neither will most of us. But what she will do, what she already does, is bring love to everyone she meets. At the end of the day, that's more than enough to make a mother proud.

Mary Rider is the former Executive Director of Consistent Life, and is a part of the Father Charles Mulholland Catholic Worker Community in Garner, North Carolina. She is also the Editor of this issue of Consistent Life News.